BLAH!

WOW! It has been a very long time since I have written in here but I wanted to put things down to ease my mind. Here it goes.

Life is crazy and hectic at times but I am convinced that there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. I hope and pray for that light. Although my lack of faith constantly appears, I am trying my best to beat doubt and lack of hope down with a pimp stick. The journey of life is full of Peaks and Valleys, ups and downs. Life is also tough when you lose direction and focus.

How did I get to this point? When did this trend of obscurity and misdirection begin? Did one decision determine my current dilemma? or was it a collection of stupid actions? I know that my Father in Heaven has something in store for me. But I am not going to minimize it; this is a very steep valley.

Thomas Timoteo is full of flaws. Pride, Impatience, Control, Anger, Stubborness, and lack of faith in people and myself. These are a few of the many shortcomings that I am currently trying to overcome and discipline in myself. I am not trying to solicit simpathy but instead trying to come to grips with all my underlying issues. They are real problems and I hope I can champion some of these issues during my lifetime.

To those who have ran into my tsunami of negativity and dismissiveness: I am sorry! I truly am sorry! I have recently been "compelled to be humble" and it's difficult. You never really know the effect you had until the destruction has already occured. The adage, "Hindsight is always 20/20"...couldn't be closer to the truth. Suprisingly enough, work is awesome! I feel that I am part of something special with a wonderful company. However, my personal life and most importantly my spiritual self isn't where I want it to be. I would trade all the temporal security in the world, for a piece of PEACE at home and in my heart.

Without going into alot of detail, I miss the peaceful moments that I have stuffed deep in my memory box. As I repeatedly attempt to reenact those memories, I seem to always get in my own way. I have alot of regrets in how I dealt with my problems and treated people that are dearest to me. If I had a chance to do it over again, I would take advantage of every opportunity to display kindness, happiness and love in all ways, places, and time. But who really believes in second chances? In an idealistic world, we wouldn't make half the mistakes we make in life, but we are not perfect. This is the major flaw in humankind. Perfection and Forgiveness run hand in hand, Thank God for the Atonement. God forgives, as long as we utilize the atonement. I wish people were more understanding.

This is what I have learned: We can't change people. Life is short. Eternal things matter most. Don't stress about the little things. Extend the happier moments and have them more often. Time is not a VCR- we can't rewind time or pause. Life goes on, what can we do. The gospel is the only source and refuge to pure Truth and Happiness. Buster Rhymes once said, "Don't talk about it, Be about it"....ain't that the truth. Application of the gospel is everything. I just wanted to take a moment to vent....ahhhhh!

On a positive note, I have a beautiful daughter name Estela Rose Timoteo. She amazes me everyday. She has such a unique personality and is filled with the Light of God. She is very smart and catches onto things very quickly. I am soo blessed! She has a small amount of my personality and she has the eyes of her beautiful mother. My ears and nose. Her mothers happy smile. A little bit of my attitude. And alot of her mamas curly hair. I love you Estela. She brings a smile to my face everyday. I hope to be the best father in the world to her. I love you my little monkey!